Christa Black Gifford had no idea that her daughter, Goldie, had anencephaly until the moment she was born at home, delivering in one push since she only had a partial skull. Instantly plunged into a world of shock and grief, she treasured every moment with her beautiful daughter before her heart stopped beating 40 minutes later.
Christa was no stranger to pain – she had experienced abuse and addiction throughout her life and had always found ways to numb her pain. Knowing that Goldie’s death was an invitation into learning a new way of experiencing life – “rolling into the pain”, as she describes it – Christa began a remarkable journey of healing that continues to this day.
Christa is so raw and real with us in this episode, as she shares the way grief has changed her and her perspective on letting yourself fully experience pain so that it doesn’t destroy you.
Deep thanks to Christa for sharing this precious story with us.
In This Episode:
Making the decision to do less monitoring during her pregnancy with Goldie due to a monitoring scare they had in her previous pregnancy that had miraculously turned out to be nothing
The moment that her daughter was born and they realized she had anencephaly
How she and her husband processed their grief so differently
“Rolling into the pain” instead of finding ways to numb the pain
Going back to nursing her toddler who had recently weaned after Goldie was born and how healing it was
Taking care of yourself after loss and treating yourself like you are still a postpartum mother – “not abandoning yourself in your pain”
Opening up to healing so that grief doesn’t affect potential future pregnancies
Including our other children in grief and allowing them to have their own process
The ways people in her life did and didn’t show up
Whirlwind Diaper Bags – This Weeks Sponsor
Heart Made Whole – Christa’s Book About Losing Goldie
About Our Guest:
Early sexual trauma and the aftermath that come with it, eating disorders, substance abuse, rejection, betrayal, depression, and losing her infant daughter, Christa’s Black Gifford’s heart has been smashed repeatedly by the normal punches of life. But after years of dealing with heart-pain incorrectly, she discovered that pain doesn’t go away with time, religion, striving, or denial.
Every day, Christa releases content that spans the globe, providing resources for those broken by the traumas of life, teaching practical steps towards inner healing and giving support and encouragement for the journey.
After the death of her daughter, Goldie, Christa’s family began Gold Monarch Healing Center in Abilene, Texas, providing a holistic and spiritual treatment facility for those seeking healing of the body, mind, heart, and soul.
Her newest endeavor, a Master Heart E-course, releases quarterly, and is a 6-Week step-by-step education for anyone seeking inner clarity, deep connection with God and themselves, and healing from the past. Where most people try to find peace through external circumstances, the course teaches how peace begins internally through connection and awareness. Through meditations, videos, assignments, live Q&A’s and online support, Christa walks the listener into the broken portions of the heart and teaches them how to turn on the light inside, transforming the heart into the home of peace they’ve always wanted.
She lives in East Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Lucas; son, Moses Grae Lionheart; daughter, Birdie James; and newest member, Loxley Phoenix. You can find Christa here: